Marion Nieto
Dear Marion letters
Dear Marion,
My baby was 6 pounds at birth and now, four months later, weights about 9 pounds. The doctor said his weight is in the 20th percentile. My husband and I are both large people so I was a little surprised. I’m breastfeeding and have not yet introduced any supplements or solids. Should I be concerned? Most of the growth he has experienced seems to be in his head. Does the head grow at the same pace as the rest of the body? If it’s because of the brain, why does it grow some much in early childhood? After all, he hasn’t learned that much yet.
Tiny in Tallahassee (Chapter 5, Letter 1)
Dear Tiny in Tallahassee
Well if you look at the genetics in your family and your husband’s family perhaps you have a relative that is tiny as well and if either one of you have that gene in you it could have been passed on to him. No you shouldn’t be concerned about introducing solids he is still four months and perhaps he is just going to small. Although you could start introducing some solids if you wanted to but breast milk is the best food for the baby right now but soon enough at least when he is 6 months he will need solids he will be growing and breast milk just won’t be enough. No the head growth is faster than the body because it needs space for the brain to grow more neurons and in size. Babies need their heads to grow faster because they learn many things in their first 6 months and the brain helps them learn those things they are learning for example how to control their sucking reflex so it isn’t a reflexes any more.
Dear Marion,
I’m worried about my infant son. I think something is wrong with his eyes. They don’t seem to be connected right. One eye seems to look one direction and the other eye another direction. Also, he doesn’t look at things unless they are really close. Does it sound like he has vision problems? I’m in the dark on where his other senses should be also. What should I look for? I do, however think his fine motor skills are doing fine because he has a strong grasp and will already move his legs in a
stepping fashion if I hold him up so he can pretend to walk. My husband just thinks it’s reflexes, but I thought those had more to do with sucking. How old are they before they sit up, crawl, or begin to walk?
Dear cockeyed in Colorado
Don’t worry about your infant’s sons eyes it is natural for the infant’s eyes to wonder for a few months they haven’t learned to control their eyes and they are only focusing with one eye. Also their vision is not very good at a young age they really can’t see much but shapes and white or dark colors, so he doesn’t have a vision problem newborns are considered legally blind and by 3months the will look more closely. His other senses should be fairly well developed like his tasting and feeling but the eye sight takes a while it is the least mature sense. (pg. 143-144)
Cockeyed in Colorado (Chapter 5, Letter 3)
Dear Marion,
My wife is breastfeeding our daughter. I know it is less expensive, but it also seems to have some drawbacks. It’s hard to breastfeed in every setting and I sometimes feel left out of the loop. I’m worried if we don’t introduce a bottle soon, our daughter will get to the point where she won’t take a bottle. In addition, it’s hard to measure how much breast milk a baby is getting. Is it possible that they won’t get enough? My wife says breastfeeding helps the immune system. Is that throughout breastfeeding or just in the beginning, when the milk is thin and more yellow. Are there other benefits or drawbacks to breastfeeding? I’ve heard of mothers breastfeeding for two or three years. How long is recommended?
Dear Feeding in Fort Worth,
Breastfeeding is very beneficial to the baby it helps the baby have a balanced nutrition they get less ear infections less asthma and many more benefits that the baby receives from breast milk. The mother receives benefits from breastfeeding for example it makes it easier to bond with the baby, she has less chances of getting breast cancer, it makes it easier to travel with the baby because she doesn’t have to carry all the water, bottles, and formula. There is also more benefits. And well you may feel out of the loop but your wife can pump and you can feed the baby also breastfeeding is beneficial to the father because he will have less stress because he won’t have to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. All these benefits are will stay with the baby and the mother for their life. You can breastfeed all the time you want but at least you have to breastfeed for 6 months to get the benefits. (pg 154-155)
Feeding in Fort Worth (Chapter 5, Letter 4)
Dear Marion,
My infant son used to put anything in his mouth, but now he seems to be more selective. He won’t even take a bottle unless the nipple is a certain shape. And his rooting reflex seems to be gone. Is it normal for children to become picky? My friend says it’s tied to his cognitive development. If so, what other indicators can I look for to chart his cognitive progress? Are there certain milestones I should look for? How can they really tell if children are learning, since children don't have the language skills to express themselves?
Dear Learning in Los Angeles
Your friend is right your infant’s son selectivity is because of cognitive development. As he gets older he enters into different Sensorimotor intelligence. And Yes there are milestones you can look for and there are indicators that will help you recognize his cognitive progress. The first stages involves the infants own body they are called the primary circular reactions then there is the next two stages are called secondary circular reactions they start from 4 months to 12 months in two stages in these stages it involves the infant’s responses to objects and people. Then there is the next two stages they are called the tertiary circular reaction they start form 8 months to 24 months in these stages are creative first with action and then with ideas. These are some stages that can help you look for milestones like how they can play patty –cake or they can flush things down the toilet because of curiosity. (pg. 162-163)
Learning in Los Angeles (Chapter 6, Letter 1)
Dear Marion, How old are children before they learn to speak in full sentences? I know children all over the world learn to speak their own language, but is the process for learning language similar for all children? My husband thinks learning English takes children longer than most other languages. What are some of the key milestones in learning language that I might look for? Does it help or hurt if I speak baby talk to my baby? My son is almost 18 months and hardly says anything, and when he does speak, it’s usually just a single word. Is that typical? I would appreciate any ideas you might have for helping me teach my child to speak. Dear Babbling in Baltimore Yes the process for learning a language is the same for children all over the world. There are 3 theories that explain how children learn language one is the behaviorism that says that all learning is acquired step by step. The second theory is that the way children learn language it is innate children teach themselves and no one needs to teach them. The Third theory is that the children learn language because of society or social communication. It is hard to learn adjectives in English but every language has its easy and hard words to learn. Baby talk is great for babies because the high pitched tones and simple words help the babies learn language. 18 month old babies usually speak about 50 words and some toddlers don’t speak yet and some learn three or more words a day so it is normal for your son to speak a single word. You can introduce your child to many things by naming those things and reading to your baby and also just talking to him and repeating everything he says. (pg.175-179) Babbling in Baltimore (Chapter 6, Letter 2) |
Dear Marion, Yesterday I had such a fun time playing with my baby. It was almost like we were dancing. I'd smile and then she'd smile. I'd make a noise and then she'd make a noise. We played the same game today, and she acted like she had never done it before. Is it normal for babies to have such a poor memory? Are there certain things that they are more likely to remember? Are there things that I can do to help my baby’s memory? Come to think of it, I can barely remember anything from my own preschool years. Could it be genetic? Dear Forgetful in Flagstaff Yes it is normal for babies to have a short memory which is why no one remembers before at least age 5 or 6. We remember things because of speaking and communication since babies don’t have that much vocabulary their memories fade but it helps when you help them remember. Yes there are certain things that they remember better like the mothers bringing them food because this is a repeated experience. So by repeating the game the baby can remember. You can help your baby by repetition just repeat the situation. No it isn’t genetic it is normal not to remember when you are too young. (Pg. 172-174) Forgetful in Flagstaff (Chapter 6, Letter 3) |
Dear Marion, My daughter used to go to any one, but now she cries and acts scared of almost anyone outside of our family. I'm worried about it because I need to go back to work soon and I'm afraid that childcare will be a disaster. She was scared of Santa and wanted nothing to do with him. Is there a certain age when stranger wariness and separation anxiety are more common? My husband believes my own anxiety over leaving her is contributing to the problem. Is that possible? Dear Anxious in Alaska Don’t worry about your daughters anxiety it is common for an infant to have stranger wariness. Stranger wariness usually starts around age 9 months to 2 years. Perhaps it will be difficult for your baby at first when you leave but it is common for babies to have this anxiety and they just need to get reassurance from the parent and soon enough they will get over it and they just need repeated experiences to help them get used to it. (pg.189) Anxious in Alaska (Chapter 7, Letter 1) |
Dear Marion, My child seems to be uncomfortable with new situations. I was shy as a child and I don't want my child to be the same way. How much of our personality is innate and how much is formed through our environmental experiences? Are there things that I can do to help my child become more accepting of new situations? Could my parenting style be contributing to his shyness or personality traits? Dear Bashful in Bahamas Your child’s shyness is her personality that has something to do with her temperament and yes it is innate. There are 9 temperamental stages that are intensified by 3 months of age and they are all classified in four categories, easy, difficult, slow to warm up and hard to classify. These temperamental traits are all part of who the baby is and there really isn’t much you can do to change the way they are. As a parent you have to learn your child’s temperament and then try to adjust yourself to his temperament. For example if you know your child is shy they trying to force him or her to meet new people will be hard by pushing your child then it can cause a fight or your baby may just feel you are not being sensitive to his needs. The society and you as a parent can shape your child and does contribute to his or her personality traits it is just a matter of knowing how to respond to your child after you have learned his temperament so that you are able to respond in a way that will be helpful instead of hurtful to his emotions and personality. (pg. 198-201) Bashful in Bahamas (Chapter 7, Letter 4) |
Dear Marion, I work at a childcare facility. I'm worried about a child that is left in our care. When his mom drops him off each morning, it seems he’s unsure of how to act. Sometimes he looks confused and upset. Other times he cries hysterically, or hurts himself. His mother seems a bit cynical about his behavior and laughs about it. How would I know if he has an attachment problem? He started coming here when he was very young. Does childcare create attachment problems? What advice would you give for preventing or correcting attachment problems? Can it be fixed at any age? If he becomes attached to me will that make it even more difficult for his parents to form an attachment? I’ve heard synchrony is important to forging bonds with children. What is synchrony and why does it help? Dear Cautious in California It sounds like you have a problem on your hands. Well it seems that the baby is probably going through an attachment problem. There are many different types of attachments and it is a good idea to try to figure out which one he has. One attachment is called a secure attachment or type B this attachment is when the baby receives both comfort and confidence from the mother’s presence they will be said when she leaves but happy when she comes back and they check with her while they are playing every now and then. Then there is insecure-avoidant attachment or type A this is when the baby avoids connection with the mother or caregiver he doesn’t care if the mother is there or not. Then there is the insecure-resistant/ambivalent attachment or type C this is when the baby becomes extremely upset when the mother leaves and when she returns he resist and seeks contact at the reunion. The last one is disorganized attachment or type D this is when the baby is inconsistent with his reactions when the mother leaves and returns. There most likely is an attachment problem and his being at day care can be part of it but probably because when she is home with him he most likely doesn’t receive the attention he needs and or it is inconsistent so he is unsure of how to act and that is probably why he isn’t constant with his reactions. And according to synchrony it is a interactions that happen between a baby and his caregiver usually the mother so it is very important for this to happen because it aids the development of a baby in many ways not just psychosocially but also biologically with heart rate, weight gain and brain maturation. Hopefully these things can help you understand the child. (pg.203-206) Cautious in Catalina (Chapter 7, Letter 5) |
